


Better Latte than never...

by LlawenGwaed



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Coffee, Episode: s01e14 Faces, Episode: s02e25 Resolutions, Episode: s04e05 Revulsion, Episode: s05e06 Timeless, Episode: s06e14 Memorial, Episode: s07e12 Lineage, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:41:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26166562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LlawenGwaed/pseuds/LlawenGwaed
Summary: On a ship where coffee is the beverage of choice, here's a concept of a shared cup of coffee per season.Completed. I claim my gold star.
Relationships: Tom Paris/B'Elanna Torres
Comments: 75
Kudos: 55





	1. Depresso

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place very shortly after Faces.

He’d hesitated at first, but realising that being stood outside B’Elanna’s quarters brandishing two cups of coffee was grain for the rumour mill. Tom gave in and hit the door chime with a knuckle.

“Yes?” Came a curt response. Quicker than he had anticipated. She sounded- annoyed? He wasn’t sure. He stepped through the door lest he annoy her further.

The first thing that went through Tom’s mind as he adjusted to the low light was how much hair she had. He’d understood that re-integrating Klingon DNA into a wholly human body might have some weird side effects, but the sheer amount of hair, falling in waves and curls well past her shoulders was remarkable. In fact, her hair was obscuring her forehead as well. She didn’t turn her head to face him, so he had no clue if her forehead was ridged again yet. 

“Hi.” He ventured, half expecting to be told to leave.

B’Elanna didn’t reply for several seconds. Tom was about to say something when-

“Are you planning on standing there all day?” He’d have to take that as an invitation. She didn’t sound like the human had. The edge in her voice was back, she sounded like herself. That was a relief.

“Kes said you could have visitors. Thought I’d- bring you some coffee.”

“Thanks.” She leaned forward and took the cup from his extended hand. As she did her hair lifted away, revealing the ridges on her forehead. Tom wasn’t sure if they were softened, either by the lighting or circumstance. Still, she looked more like herself, even with the remarkable amount of hair. 

“How are you?” He ventured, pulling up a dining chair, before sitting lent forward. Tom assumed she intended him to sit, but thought he was sensible in not presuming enough familiarity to sit on the couch.

“Between the headaches, the hormone fluctuations and organs growing. Pretty terrible.” Her voice was subdued. B’Elanna shifted backwards, pulling a blanket back over her lap and clutching the cup with both hands. She looked down into the cup. “How was Durst’s memorial?”

Tom paused. Reaching for words that couldn’t possibly cause upset or offense. “About what you’d expect. Trying to make sense of a senseless death.” He stopped, wondering how much he should say before adding- “People were asking after you.”

She looked up, the first time their eyes had met. It was so strange because those eyes belonged to the human. He no longer just saw a half Klingon woman whose brilliance and arrogance seemed equal in measure. Tom could still see the human’s eyes. Her fear. Her sadness. 

“People are concerned.” He continued, she held him in her gaze, he could see a flicker of something. Something the human form of her didn’t have. “About their friend and their chief engineer.”

She snorted and sipped the coffee, not offering her thoughts on this just yet. Tom took that as a means to continue. “Most of the crew don’t know the details. Just that- you were subjected to experimentation.”

“I don’t want their pity.” B’Elanna said quietly, the syllables of the words clashing together in harsh tones.

He sighed. Constraining himself from changing his voice in tone or volume. The last thing he wanted to do was make this more difficult for her. “Trust me. The only one giving you any pity here is you.”

Pausing, he sipped the coffee. It at least gave him time to not just eject out of his mouth the foremost thoughts in his mind. 

“Not many people know there were two of you-“ Tom said quietly, trying to offer empathy rather than sentimentality- “and if they do they’ve got the good grace to keep their mouth shut.”

Her eyebrows raised in scepticism, but she didn’t interject. He enjoyed how much she could express without saying a damn word.

“In fact,” He continued, with an involuntary smile stealing across his lips “-the only rumour around the whole thing was me carrying you to sickbay. Apparently that was far more newsworthy than anything else.”

B’Elanna almost forgotten, the memory so dim it felt like it had happened to someone else. That wave of weakness as she’d tried to get up from holding her dead Klingon counterpart. Tom at her side, supporting her, whispering to her- asking if she could walk. Then him taking her weight, despite his exhaustion.

To be clear. He did not carry her. That part ship’s gossip had at least embellished. She leaned heavily into him as she made unsteady steps, her head, pressed in to his shoulder- not letting her human face or tears be seen. Chakotay a few steps behind, staying close but wary that his appearance wasn’t a friendly face right now. Tom telling the Captain he didn’t need any help.

“I hope you set them straight.” She intoned. She was a little more spirited now, her chin raised and the low light caught her impressive cheekbones. Then, she cocked her head a little. “Why are you here? Really?”

There were several answers to that. It was Tom’s mission. He was the senior officer. What she went through happened on his watch. Durst was butchered on his watch. Coming back to the barracks and finding her gone- his father’s words coming back to him- “You never finish anything, do you Thomas?”

He was ready to head for certain death to try and save her. Those words ringing in his ears but- not just that. A need to keep trying, better that then resign himself to failure. Then, in the transporter room- the Klingon dead and the human unable to walk unaided. Despite exhaustion he picked her up. He felt her weight against him. Captain Janeway had been about to help but- he found himself saying “I need to finish this.” 

But the end never arrived. He hadn’t felt better after Durst’s funeral. The sense of finality hadn’t come. He’d thought this was maybe the missing piece. That knowing she was alright would finish it.

“Checking up on you.” He replied without missing a beat. “You had a pretty horrifying experience, and while I can’t say I know what it was like for you, I at least already know the details so if you wanted to talk…”

“Do you?” She shot back.

That caught him off guard. He was checking up on her- “What?”

“Need to talk?” She added, sipping her coffee.

That gave him pause. He’d come to see her to offer a sympathetic ear for their shared experience. Tom hadn’t been prepared to have that collective perspective turned back onto him. “What gives you that idea?”

“On the planet, the way you were. I’ve never seen you so- Starfleet.”

“For all the good it did us.” He added a mirthless laugh of derision. “I’ve had the Captain telling me what a good job I did. Tell that to Pete Durst.” His voice had raised, the mention of his conduct had put his back up.

He hadn’t meant for that but, putting failure into words meant the Starfleet mindset he’d had drilled into him his whole life had lost its grip and allowed the emotion to crack through. He felt his throat tighten. Dammit. This isn’t what he came here for.

“You couldn’t have helped him.” She said, softly, her tone resigned. “I don’t know what I would have done if they’d shot you.” B’Elanna looked down, her voice diminishing. “But I don’t think I would have survived.”

“You should never have been-.” He stopped and closed his eyes. He bit back the emotion, but he wasn’t going to sit this far from her a moment longer. He stood, then moved to the couch. He made sure kept a comfortable distance. 

“What happened to you was because I didn’t turn us back. I should have turned around the moment we picked up lifesigns.”

“You can’t start second guessing yourself Tom. What happened to Durst, and to me wasn’t your fault.” She leant back into the couch, letting her head loll against cushions.” But- you and I survived because of you.”

He’d take that as gratitude. Part of him felt like he would never be able to expunge how vulnerable the human had been. How he would ever learn to see past that?

“I- I hated seeing you like that.” He managed a smile, determined to try and move forward. “I’m glad you’re more yourself.”

“Well- you saw me at my worst. And I saw you at your best.” She gave somewhere between a smile and a scowl. “Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.”

“Which is?” Tom asked, a little playful now.

“Underneath all that arrogant flyboy bravado, you’re actually a decent person.”

He chuckled silently. “I’ll take that as a compliment. Can I ask a question?”

“Depends.” She raised the coffee to her lips and drank again.

“The hair?”

Now she sighed, sounding a little irritated. “Hormonal fluctuations. During puberty Klingons experience this. Which I’m getting to relive.” She flicked one of the long tangles for emphasis.

“So the curls are natural?” He enquired.

“O.K. You’re annoying now.” B’Elanna halted his line of questioning. “And so is the hair. Four inches in a day.”

“It looks good.” Tom dared to venture.

“Well I hate it.” She declared, not caring for any compliments he tried to pay her. “Besides, long hair is fine until you get your head trapped in an EPS conduit.”

“At least it would grow back quickly…” He mused.

She looked to him, about to glare but then smiled.

She had such a beautiful smile. He’d never noticed, but then hadn’t had many incidents of exposure to it. Tom smiled as well, knowing that neither the human nor the Klingon could have given that smile. 

Something about her. About how the subtler forehead ridges and stunning cheek bones registered in a way they hadn’t before. That this whole person, was the person she was meant to be

He realised he still hadn’t finished. Not by a long shot. And that was perfectly fine.


	2. Bean me up Scotty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place within the episode Resolutions

It was an attempt to lighten to the mood that led Tom to suggest they met in the messhall. B’Elanna had been trying to implement a more efficient system for con reporting at Tuvok’s behest. She had tried not to take insult as to why the system she had used for Captain Janeway had not been good enough, and it wasn’t until she had found herself ranting to Tom about it she began to grasp why.

“It’s not an easy time for him either. He’s trying to ease into command- put his own stamp on things.”

She was taken back by that idea. That Tuvok wasn’t riling her, wasn’t setting her up to be replaced but was also finding his feet. She’d not taken into account that under the Vulcan exterior, he was as upset as the rest of them at leaving the Captain and Chakotay behind.

“Look- I’ve got more than an hour before my next shift. Why don’t we go to the mess hall and try and come up with something.” Tom had said in an attempt to take their conversation in a productive direction. 

On arrival he gestured towards the couches before going to the galley and reappearing with two cups of coffee. He passed her a full cup before settling onto the other sofa. 

“Thanks.” She said curtly, stifling a yawn.

“No problem.” Tom responded before asking “When did you last sleep?”

“I got a couple of hours last night.” She leaned back on the couch, trying not to take its comfortable surface as an invitation to sleep. “You?”

“I’m doing OK.” He added before considering, “With that.”

She shook her head, cradling the cup in her hands and enjoying the warmth, if not the actual beverage. Neelix was clearly not going to manage anything really comparable to coffee any time soon.

“I just-.“ She lent forward, lowering her voice to keep her words from anyone listening. “I can’t reconcile the idea that we’ve left them behind.”

“I know.” Tom nodded his understanding and agreement. There was little else he could say.

“If it were any of us- they’d never have left us.” She sipped.

Leaning forward, Tom tried to offer some empathy “I know it’s hard-.” Unfortunately, offering that level of responsiveness to an already sleep deprived half Klingon was not well received. 

“Oh, don’t be so patronising.” She spat, suddenly incensed by his words. She went from sedate to riled at a speed that he didn’t expect.

“Hey-“ He started before realising he too had raised his voice. He took a breath and tried again. “I’m trying to have a conversation with you-.“ His tone flattened, he made full eye contact.

B’Elanna had seen those eye grow frosty when confronted, but now- they offered a placid mood. One that knew meeting confrontation with retaliation was a move no one needed. That it was much more important to be understanding than right just now.

She took a breath. After all, other than Harry- who did she really have to turn to? “You’re right.” Closing her eyes, she felt how raw the loss was, and reminded herself that her options for friendships were severely limited. “Sorry.”

Tom nodded and offered a smile. She sipped her coffee as he shuffled forward a little. He was sat with his knees inches from hers. She leaned back and contemplated. “How are you so calm?”

“Resilience training. Part of the survival courses at the academy- or at least it was the way Dad taught it.”

She paused before her next sip. “Your father actually taught you at the academy?”

“Yeah.” He smiled, but there was something unsettling about it. There was no joy in that expression. “That way he could be five times harder on me than any other cadet.”

She’d have given anything to have had her father in her life, but in seeing Tom’s attitude when recalling this gave her the sense that the rift between him and his family was at least as the big as the chasm between herself and her parents. 

“At the first lecture, he pulled me up in front of two hundred people to tell me my uniform was creased.” He gave a mirthless exhale, seemingly annoyed at the memory.

“Ouch.”

He paused and sipped, then laughed to himself. That was better, that smirk was genuine. “So the next lecture, I showed up in an immaculate, creaseless skant.”

She wasn’t sure she’d heard that right at first. That maybe in her tired state her brain was reverting to Klingonee or Spanish, but she rolled the words over in her mind again. “You wore a skant?”

He grinned now. He seemed a little proud of himself. “You bet I did.”

B’Elanna had not seen a Starfleet officer wear a skant since leaving the academy. In fact, those who opted to wear the cadet version of the unisex trouserless garment that bore a strong resemblance to a dress were few and far between. It simply wasn’t as practical or comfortable for most individuals as other uniform options. It also bore a stigma amongst more traditional Starfleet officers as being a woman’s garment. She suspected the latter point informed Tom’s decision to wear it.

“What?” He said in response to her glare. “I’ve got the legs for it.”

She realised why a Skant, other than to appear eccentric. Rather than let his father embarrass him, he would happily return the embarrassment. “I never said you didn’t.“ She added, smiling at the idea of a regulation conforming agitation.

“Oh, You should try one.” He shifted his long legs- she wondered if he did have attractive legs. “They’re very freeing.” He added.

Quickly, she shook herself from that line of thought. “What did your father do?”

His smile grew bigger, she found she smiled back. “Through gritted teeth he acknowledged the fact I was well turned out. So I wore it to every lecture of his after that.”

She swallowed a laugh, “Really?”

“Yep.” Tom nodded, “I nearly wore it to graduation but my mother begged me not to.”

B’Elanna watched as he sipped his coffee. She still wasn’t sure about him. Still not quite able to read the absolute sincerity of him. “You’re making this up.”

“Ha.” He added playfully. “Just you wait seventy years. I’ll show you my class picture as soon as we get back to the alpha quadrant.”

“I’d rather you just wore the skant again.” The words fell out of her mouth before she really thought about it. The filter between her brain and mouth had failed. Her subconscious was still stuck on if he had attractive legs.

Tom took a moment with that-“Oh Lieutenant- if that’s something you’re interested in-.”

She laughed before interrupting. “No. I spoke too soon. Please don’t.”

He paused. She had most definitely crossed the line into flirting. She looked a little coy about it now, like she hadn’t meant to push it that far. Hadn’t meant to relax and just enjoy his company that much.

“Nice to get a smile out of you.” He added, before deciding to push on into the work conversation.


	3. Rise and Grind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set some time after Bloodfever

B’Elanna had not seen a massacre on this scale since the Maquis. The smell and sight assaulted her as the mess hall doors opened.

There were eight members of the crew in various low levels of consciousness spread around the room. Some had been lucky enough to collapse on to a couch, a few slumped over dining tables and, one or two were just on the floor.

Neelix was passed out by the galley, she could almost hear the endless Prixin song he’d regaled everyone with all night long. It had sounded like a badly rhyming bawdy Christmas carol “On Prixin night, she came to me, she ate my food and we drank heartily.” Now, the only sound Neelix made was a snore that would make a targ blush.

She turned as she surveyed the fallen, then pressed on her com badge. “Torres to Sickbay.”

“Sickbay, Doctor here.”

“Uh Doc. You might want to get down to the mess hall with some analgesics.” She said, realising who had spent the night collapsed onto the middle table.

“I see. On my way.” He responded with a slight air of annoyance.

She was a little fuzzy on the details of last night. B’Elanna was sure her, Harry and Tom had all started drinking at the same time. Harry got dizzy after the fifth glass, at which point Tom insisted they walk him home. After struggling with his shoes and then loading Harry into bed, B’Elanna had a vague memory of Tom being- unusual. He kept touching her arm when he spoke, and was very, very sure of himself.

At some point they had decided that a race to the Turbolift was a sound and dignified idea. B’Elanna had of course beaten him by quite a distance. Her prize was- of course to force Tom to keep drinking with her.

She remembered laughing a lot. Tom was making endless stupid jokes. She clearly recalled them looking at Chakotay and the Captain- which led to wild speculation. Somehow her hand was resting on Tom’s leg. “I bet you- having to commiserate Harry over his next crush- that Chakotay doesn’t go home alone tonight.”

Finally hitting the point of the room spinning, she called it a night. Tom insisted he was going to walk her to her quarters only to find he was too drunk to stand. He wobbled before falling back on the couch beside her. 

She’d laughed. “Maybe I should walk you home.”

“Your place or mine?” He grinned.

She laughed again. And, truth be told that in her drunken haze- she did think about it. After what had happened on Sakari, she didn’t know for sure that a drunken liaison between them would be the worst decision of her life.

She wondered if anyone would notice if she kissed him now.

She pushed that to the side. Snapping her brain back to as much sensibility as she could manage. “Tom, you can’t stand up. There is nothing about me you can handle right now.”

“Hmmm. Shame.” He agreed. Then he kissed her on the cheek before flopping backwards onto the mess hall couch.

As B’Elanna walked away from him slightly dazed by having that level of affection shown towards her, she was stopped by someone else catching her arm. She fought back her first response to punch whoever it was and thank goodness she had- as she imagined the consequences of decking her captain would be severe.

“You’re leaving?” She said, her husky voice somehow smoother with drink.

“Yes Ma’am. I think I’ve had enough.” B’Elanna had smiled. The Captain was incredibly drunk.

“Oh, B’Elanna.” Janeway reached forward and placed a hand on her shoulder. “I don’t tell you how proud I am of you enough.”

“Thank you.” She said, a little unsure.

She was even more unsure when she was pulled into a full embrace. The Captain then kissed her goodnight as well on the cheek.

“Good night.” Janeway had said cheerfully before going to pester Neelix for another glassful.

Thinking about that now felt awkward as hell.

Thinking about Tom was awkward as well- about how nothing had happened, but how their guards with each other were diminished. That after a few drinks they were handsy and flirty and-. And thank god she’d woken up alone in her bed and Tom-

Tom was asleep on the Couch where she had left him.

She crossed to the replicator and ordered three cups of coffee, before kneeling beside the couch. “Tom.” She shook him by the shoulder.

“Oh- hey.” He squinted at her, clocking that she was wearing uniform and that he was not anywhere he really should not have been.

“Good morning.” She intoned.

“Already?” Tom rubbed his eyes and then massaged his temples.

“It’s oh-six- thirty.” B’Elanna informed him. She’d thought an hour and a half would be long enough for him to reform into a fit state for duty. She tapped his feet and he made room for her to sit.

“Oh, god. What was in that?” He grimaced, realising he hadn’t been hungover like this since before the Maquis.

“I don’t know but I think we all took a beating from it.” She added before passing him the second cup on coffee. “Here.”

His eyes lit up. “Oh, you are wonderful.” Tom attempted to sit up but found the room still spinning. He grimaced, inhaling the scent of the coffee then pushed through the nausea and sat upright. He looked around and took in the sight. “The captain’s going to kill us.”

She laughed. Tom looked at her questioningly. “She’s asleep with her head on the table over there.” B’Elanna nodded before sipping her coffee.

“Oh. Wow.” Tom looked over before turning back to her and adding- “We better get her up.”

He inhaled deeply and painfully managed to stand. He wobbled a little but made his way over to the table.

“Captain?” Tom said very softly.

“Well that won’t do it.” B’Elanna smugly sipped at her coffee. “You’d hardly wake a tika cat like that.”

Tom shot her an annoyed look. He had been about to ask how she thought they should go about this when their ears were split by a cheerful cacophony.

“Good Morning to everyone! “ The Doctor boomed as he entered the mess hall. “Rise and shine! I bring analgesics and a lecture on intoxication.”

While Tom and B’Elanna had both grimaced at that, the effect on Captain Janeway was somewhat worse. She sat bolt upright and then on realising what was happening grabbed her head, her hair falling in a chaotic tangle over her shoulders. B’Elanna placed the cup of coffee in front of the Captain.

“Oh Thank God there’s coffee.” She said without clocking her two officers or where the magic beverage had come from. She seized it and drank.

Tom crossed over to the Doctor and took a hypo for himself and three cartridges. He loaded the first and injected himself before offering it to B’Elanna.

“I’m OK. Klingon Metabolism.”

“Ah, we should all be so lucky.” He smiled before moving on “Captain.”

“Oh.” Janeway swept her mess of hair away from her neck and offed it willingly. She exhaled gladly at the hiss of the Hypospray. “Thank you. Both of you. “

“No Problem,” Tom smiled before leaving the Captain to pull herself together. 

Tom and B’Elanna walked out of the mess hall together, still clutching their coffee.

“So, how about breakfast?” Tom asked.

“I think you need a shower and a change of clothes first.”

There was line in his head about inviting her to shower with him- but he thought he best let that one lie.

“Hmmm. This was fun.” He added instead.

“Yeah?” She asked.

“Yeah.” He confirmed

Tom didn’t say any more. Didn’t offer anything further on what he had particularly enjoyed last night. But she had a good idea.

“I- better get to engineering.” She added, not knowing if she could handle being alone with him right now. Thinking about his lips pressed to her cheek. Feeling the stubble on his face. The smell aftershave mixed with fermented berry juice.

He nodded. “Thanks for the coffee. And the gentle wake up.”

He had a line in his head about maybe she could wake him gently as often as she liked- but Tom let that one lie too. Last night was probably enough to back her off if he pushed further right now.

He watched her go, wondering when he’d be able to get close to her like that again.


	4. Where have you bean all my life?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set shortly after Revulsion

An hour ago, Tom had woken from a deep and restful sleep to find that he was not in his own bed. As he shifted and rolled over, he pressed against B’Elanna. Her sleeping form uninterrupted by his presence. An involuntary sigh escaped him, almost expressing disbelief that they were together.

She was the most beautiful thing his half-awake brain could fathom. The echoes of the night before still whispered in his mind. Her lips pressing to his, her skin soft as his hands ran over her back, her body slight but strong.

A thousand things he could commit to memory. Breathy gasps of pleasure, her dark eyes blazing for him. Exploring his way through her, taking time to figure out what she wanted, what would really please her. Where to caress and where to- well. The answer was a lot of places. 

All those months of what could only be described as an antagonistic friendship. The realisation that something mutual was growing, but had to be cultivated with care. That wanting each other wasn’t enough for her to move forward. That he can’t quite get his head around ‘I love you.’ That she would take ignoring what had happened if it maintained a friendship. And in that moment, realising that her declaration of love went beyond expecting anything of him.

And he hadn’t expected anything of her. They had hit upon an impasse outside the messhall. They both loved each other enough to accept that they were entitled to nothing from the other.

His fingertips brushed her cheek as she dozed, enjoying the danger that if she woke he might get a smack in the teeth. She was perfect, though he knew she’d never believe that. She saw through either human or Klingon ideals of appearance and knew she didn’t match up to either. He saw only how she was, how strong Klingon features were softened by humanity. She’d once said that every room she’d walked into, she was judged by her forehead. Last night he couldn’t see beyond those brown, bottomless human eyes.

Her eyes slit open as she smiled dozily. Glad to see he’d not slipped away in the night, and was still enthralled by her. 

Once he was sure she was awake, he resumed a little of last night’s festivities. He made his way back between her legs and began nuzzling and kissing her. He enjoyed hearing her moan her approval, before giving her full attention with his tongue. 

She didn’t hold back, she came hard and loud. He watched keenly, feeling the heat from her flushing skin. He’d happily give her all she could want just to continue the night before into the morning. As she finished, she grasped at him. Pulling him back into her arms before feeling how hard he was, seeing his expression change to somewhere between concentration and longing.

Kissing him hard, she rolled over on top of him, determined to give him something to think about during the rest of the day.

******************

Afterwards, he tore himself from the bed grasping for the clothes he’d worn last night. It wasn’t a lack of forward planning that had prevented him bringing a change of clothes, but that he didn’t want to appear presumptuous. That his expectations were that he’d stay the whole night. He’d know better next time.

He skulked back to his quarters. Showered, shaved and got into fresh clothes before heading to meet her in the Messhall. He assumed this wasn’t to be a public debut, but just breakfast. He even picked up a Padd to help maintain the pretense.

He waited forty seconds for the Turbolift and found it occupied by three officers, Ayala, Smith and- and B’Elanna.

Tom nodded a greeting at the two men before speaking to her. 

“Hello.” He said a little cagily.

“Good morning.” She smiled, standing shoulder to shoulder with him as the lift resumed. “Did you sleep well?”

“I did-“ He nodded, rather enjoying the performance she was putting on for the others present. “- thank you. And you?”

“Oh,” B’Elanna nodded. “Very peaceful.” She leaned a little closer. “Heading to the messhall?”

“Uh huh,” Tom replied, close enough to catch her scent. She’d showered as well.

“Oh.” She responded, with a little feigned surprise.

“What?” He asked as she turned to him.

Slyly B’Elanna looked at him, slightly biting at her lower lip and then folded her arms. “I just- had this idea that you’d already eaten this morning.”

Tom swallowed a nervous laugh. She didn’t want to announce to the ship they were a couple but clearly got a thrill of playing it close to the wire.

“Now,” He folded his arms and gave her a gentle grin, “-where would you get an idea like that?”

*********************************************

As they walked to the mess hall they kept the pretense going. “I don’t know about you,” Tom said, “but I’m really hungry.”

“Worked up an appetite?” She smiled coyly as they walked through the mess hall doors.

“Something like that.” He responded, picking up two mess trays and handing her one. Next he reached for cups. “Do you want coffee or do you have any other suggestions as to how I can wake you up?”

Cocking her head, she took time to think about it,

“Oh, I guess coffee will have to-.”

“Engineering to Torres.”

Dammit. Tom tried not to grimace and took the mess tray back off her so she could answer the com.

“Torres here.” She responded, all business now. “What is it?”

“Sorry, Chief but the warp manifolds fluctuating like crazy.” Came the voice of Joe Cary. “I really think you should get down here.”

“Probably a constrictor issue from the warp core reinstall. I’m heading down now. Torres out.” She turned to Tom and said apologetically “I guess that’s the end of breakfast.” She hesitated before adding quietly, “I’ll see you later.”

“Don’t have too much fun without me.” He said softly. He watched her walk away, staring after her. He wished he’d kissed her goodbye-.

“Lieutenant. Lieutenant.”

“Tom?” Neelix enquired a little louder from behind the galley counter.

“Sorry Neelix.” He shook himself from his train of thought. “Erm, just the toast please.”

As the cook passed the slices he enquired. “Something on your mind?”

He smiled again. Warmly. “You might say that.”

“Anything I can help with?” Neelix asked in earnest.

“No, it’s not a problem.” Tom reassured him. “Thanks.”

He turned and took his tray to one of the central tables where Harry Kim was already sat, waiting for him.

“Good Morning Harry.” He intoned as he sat down.

“Morning. B’Elanna had to take off?” Harry asked, trying to gauge how things were.

“Something wrong with the warp manifold.” Tom added as she smeared the toast with something resembling butter before taking an enthusiastic bite.

“That’s a shame.”

“I suppose.” He replied with a mouth full of toast.

“You suppose?” Harry looked skeptical before leaning in closer. “Tom, it’s all over your face.”

Reminding himself that he had definitely showered and that Harry had no idea where his brain had gone with that, he managed to keep his reply to a bemused “What?”

Harry leaned forward a little more before adding, “You and B’Elanna.”

He couldn’t bring himself to deny it. He just smiled and continued eating his toast.

“So..?” Harry asked.

“So..? Tom replied, happily playing dumb.

Harry raised his eyebrows and opened his hands, ready to receive further information on this subject.

Tom gave a mock gasp. “Harry! A gentleman never tells.”

“That’s why I assumed you would.” He fired right back.

Smiling again, Tom picked up his final piece of toast. “Life is- going to be interesting from now on. And that’s all I’m going to say.”

“That’s it?” Harry asked.

“Uh huh.” Tom responded, wiping crumbs from the corner of his mouth. Suddenly he stood. “Y’know. I just remembered, something I need to take care of. I’ll see you on the bridge.”

Watching, Harry saw Tom pour two cups of coffee, then leave the messhall with them, Padd tucked under his arm. 

For someone who was supposed to be masterfully subtle, Tom seemed rather obvious.

***********************************************

Starting the day without caffeine had been a mistake. She turned to Vorek and had to use the utmost restraint not to snap at him. “Vorek, reinitialise the constrictor.”

Seeing this as he walked into engineering, Tom approached her carefully. “Lieutenant?”

She spun on her heel, caught off guard and, and her annoyance seemed to lift. “Hi.” She said, a little coyly.

Stepping forward, Tom did his best to appear professional. “You uh, left this behind.” He passed her the Padd in his hand, ensuring she could see the message he had left her ‘When can I see you?’

“Oh, thank you.” She nodded as she surveyed the message. “That’s very thoughtful.” She leaned closer and looked off to the side as she whispered “You’ll see me at the briefing.”

Undeterred, Tom continued by passing her a cup. “You forgot your coffee as well.” He said loudly before adding in a low voice “and that is not what I had in mind.”

“Again- very thoughtful.” She responded, before adding quietly “I’m off at 19.00. I’ll come to you.”

They both paused. Caught in the paralysis of not wanting to part and not wanting to make a public display.

“I should be going.” Tom said.

“You should.” B’Elanna responded.

“I’m gonna be late.” Tom grinned.

“You are.” B’Elanna confirmed, thinking this was a little ridiculous now.

“You’re worth being late for.” Tom whispered.

“Go. I can’t work with you down here.” She replied.

He turned to leave when- “Lieutenant?” He turned back to her. “Thank you for the coffee.”

“No problem.” Tom replied before heading for the door. He caught Joe Cary’s eye who gave him a ‘what was that all about’ look. When Tom responded with a grin, Cary gave a slow smile. 

Tom sipped his coffee and walked away.


	5. The Bitter End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place shortly after Timeless.
> 
> Not happy, but ends well- I guess.

The door to her quarters opened, and Tom forced himself to enter. His stomach pitched at the thought of the conversation he was about to initiate. He inhaled and caught a whiff from the coffee cups in his hands.

He just couldn’t stand the idea of another day of stalemate. They were in limbo- he couldn’t call it a relationship right now. No real contact or displays of affection. What had been the love affair he’d envisaged for so long had passed into something else. Weeks of her falling away from him- getting further away. She turned cold.

This was purgatory. Surely descending into Hell would be better than this.

“Hi.” His mouth managed to curtly eject. The door closed behind him as he stood next to it. He didn’t think he should move forward before invited to do so.

“Hi.” She responded. She was sat on the couch in her quarters, her top half stripped back to the tank top. How did she sound? It was hard to gauge. Surprised? She looked- small. Slightly recoiled. Ready to defend herself.

But he wasn’t here for a fight.

“Can I-“ he nodded his head towards the empty space on the couch next to her. He hadn’t been that close to her in weeks.

She replied with a nod, and as he made the slow- hesitant steps to her. She pointed to the cup in his left hand. “Is that for me?”

Tom nodded as he sat and passed he cup to her, trying not to linger with his hand on hers, not thinking about their fingers brushing together. 

“If you wanted to have coffee-.” B’Elanna started to say.

“I-“ He cut her off, not rudely but with a nervous lilt. “Didn’t want to have this conversation in public.” There was a lump rising in his throat. This hurt like hell.

“Oh.” She stated, taking a breath.

Here it comes, B’Elanna thought. This was Tom ending it. And at this point it would have been a mercy killing. It had been weeks since they last slept together. Little more than polite conversation- if they were lucky. What had started as him trying to give her space was about to finish them.

The last time they’d talked, he’d tried to tell her he was sorry about not being direct about finding the fault in the slipstream drive. She’d yelled at him. To be honest, she’d nearly thrown the Padd In her hand at him.

He hadn’t deserved that.

Inhaling, and gathering himself, Tom began. With - “I still want to say I’m sorry. For, quite a few things.”

He looked downward, avoiding her gaze a moment, before his eyes met hers. He wanted to be lost in her, instead he just felt lost without her.

He began to speak again. ”The slipstream drive. Backing away from you and not being there when- you really did need someone to look out for you.”

B’Elanna went to speak, but he cut her off. Again, not rudely but in the knowledge that if he stopped he may not finish.

“I should have been braver, and I should have done better.”

The silence between them lingered. He waited, seeing if she would rise into anger.

Instead she stared down at her coffee, before saying very quietly “You didn’t drive me onto the Holodeck, Tom.” It had not registered with her that he had guilt over this. That he had felt responsible. She would never lay that on him, never blame him for that. 

“No.” He breathed out with a derisive laugh. “I just stood on the sidelines and, hoped you’d snap out of it and that nearly got you killed.” He looked her square in the face, determined now that he would push through to a resolution. “And that’s so much worse.”

B’Elanna considered his words. She couldn’t agree. Her response came out in a whisper. “If you say so.”

He leaned forward and placed his untouched cup on the floor. “I Just-“Tom shook his head. “This can’t-.”

“Do you want to end it?” Her voice was soft, but her question pierced into the heart of the matter.

Tom had to admit to bracing himself as she spoke. It was an effort not to flinch, as if those words had almost struck him.

He looked up at her. Trying to read what it was that she wanted. “Do you?” He finally asked. “ I mean- the minute things got serious I- I wasn’t good enough.”

B’Elanna was unsure how he thought this was his fault. She placed the cup to one side, its contents untouched.

She’d always figured things would end explosively. That one day her anger would push them beyond salvage.

Instead, she faced the prospect that Tom cared enough for this to be gentle- something they agreed upon. Not a shouting match that became a catastrophic event. 

“I didn’t ask for help.” She wanted to reach for him, to reach out to him but wasn’t sure she could any more. Perhaps the time for that had slipped away forever. “I don’t think I would have accepted help.”

That statement clung to the air for a few moments. Her heart started pounding, her chest tightening. She wanted to reach for him, to be held to him but- but it seemed too late.

“I guess, it’s not like we wouldn’t see each other. We’d still be friends.” An attempt to smile became a grimace, there was no brave face for this. He was after all, talking himself out of the most meaningful relationship of his adult life.

“And that’d be enough for you?” B’Elanna asked- this was the edge of the precipice. Once they were over there was no climbing back.

She wasn’t angry. It would have been easier if she was- her ill temper would have told him to leave and that would have been it, a quick and certain end.

The muscles in Tom’s neck strained as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He had told himself that if her feelings had changed he would accept that. He would walk away and give her up. But whatever was asked of him wouldn’t change the way he felt.

“Maybe.” He finally ventured. “I don’t think I’d stop loving you-.”

He didn’t get finish the sentence, she bolted forward into his arms. Grabbing him, her hands gripping hard at his back.

Tom took a breath. Everything he feared had slipped away, flooded back. He wrapped his arms around her, relieved. Trying not to imagine how he might have lived the rest of his life with her ever present but always at arm’s length. Never getting to hold her. Never quite accepting that the early passion has been nothing more than fleeting and foolish.

Because it had all been real. And its recent absence was a temporary struggle. And her coldness was now replaced by hot tears soaking into his uniform.

Tom shifted, pulling back before reaching forward again to cup her face. She was so beautiful, even in tears. He reminded himself that difficult emotion was better than none. He set his hands around hers. Feeling her able fingers curl around his, grasping at him.

He swallowed. The lump in his throat hadn’t gone. “Remember how good things were we started this?” He managed, hearing how thick his voice was.

“Yeah.” She nodded, wiping her face roughly with her palm, determined to reign herself back in.

“I wish we could go back.” He was mournful, she could hear the loss in his voice. The regret that they had lost so much to this- that and the fear that maybe they couldn’t fully recover.

B’Elanna contemplated this a moment, before sitting taller, reaffirming her grip on his hands. “We can only go forward. And I don’t want to go forward without you.”

He cupped his hands fully around hers. “Neither do I.” He paused again- “So-“

“So- We have some things to work out.” She concluded.

******

After four hours the coffee was untouched. They slept without moving from the couch, both fully clothed with their limbs entwined. Still clinging together. 


	6. Spilt Milk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set after Memorial

Tom was suspicious. Not only had B’Elanna graced him and Harry with her presence, she had sat through three games of Carcassone, and now at three in the morning she was pushing back at the fact she was flagging with exhaustion.

“I don’t get it!” Harry exclaimed, his exhaustion heightening his feelings about the game. “How do you keep winning?”

B’Elanna just smiled as she packed the tiles away carefully. She didn’t like the idea of having to replace parts of the game, given how many replicator rations it had taken to construct the game.

“You did not use your followers efficiently Ensign. Perhaps you should consider holding one in reserve to enable you to seize opportunity.” Seven offered in her rather clipped tone. B’Elanna was surprised she’d been able to convince Seven to join in, let alone stay for three games. 

Seven had very much seized this as an opportunity to expand her social skills. In the wake of so many of the crew dealing with intrusive memories from the Nakan memorial, Seven was notably stepped up in her social efforts. The suffering of the collective did not leave her unaffected.

Tom swirled the remains of his coffee around the cup. It was cold and bitter. “You’re too ambitious Harry. Build small and complete your cities.”

“Another game?” B’Elanna asked, stifling a yawn. She reached for her coffee cup to find it empty.

“No thanks. Three losses is my limit. I’ll see you later.” Harry excused himself and left.

Seven lingered a moment, before recalling her social skills- that she shouldn’t stay as what the Doctor had described as a third wheel. “I must regenerate.” She spoke as she stood. “If acceptable, I will look to engage in this activity another time.”

“Sounds good.” B’Elanna smiled a little. Seven nodded at them both before leaving.

B’Elanna sized Tom up. He had a worn-out but somewhat comfortable expression. It was the most relaxed she’d seen him in the week since the flashbacks first occurred. It had taken a little convincing to get him out of his quarters- B’Elanna had tried to get some holodeck time but it was booked through the night. This was the best she could scrape up – Tom had talked about the sort of family games he’d played as a child. This one was one of the few that didn’t involve any war game scenarios. 

“Ready to go to sleep?” She asked, placing the lid on the box.

He shook his head. Exhausted as he was, he was still reluctant to go to bed. He reached for the flask of coffee on the table in front of him. “I’m not- but you are.”

“I’m fine.” She retorted, smiling through her own weariness.

“You’ve been up for about twenty hours.” Tom countered.

“So have you.” She responded, watching him pour himself another cup. “When did you last sleep?”

He paused, before replying. “I’m not sure.” He offered her the flask but she refused.

B’Elanna didn’t believe that for a minute. He knew roughly the last time he got more than an hour or so. Her worry was this would become chronic.

She’d been relieved when he showed up in engineering last night. Apologetic and really needing to talk. He helped her recalibrate the shield matrix before he went to his sickbay shift- desperate to keep his mind busy.

But staying busy would only work for as long as he could hold up physically. His reaction times had to be at the point of slowing down- she doubted very much that he was fit to pilot the ship right now. B’Elanna knew the next blow to shield him from would be being relieved of duty. Frankly, she’d avoid that any way she had to- even if she had to bludgeon him unconscious.

But there were less violent options still open at this juncture. “Have you talked to the Doctor?”

“I um-,“ he cut himself off, closing his eyes and taking a breath. He knew he was in trouble, and as much as he had plastered over his trauma, she could see every crack in that thin layer of normality he had pasted over his fracturing self. 

Reaching over, B’Elanna placed her hand on his leg. His eyes met her and he put the coffee cup down. He gripped her hand firmly, swallowing back before he could speak. “When did you get so patient?”

“I learned from the best.” She retorted with a restrained smile. “Look, we don’t have to sleep but you really should try and rest.”

Tom nodded. He couldn’t deny she was right, but wanted her to grasp how difficult this predicament was. “Every time I close my eyes I go back to it.” He said in a weary whisper, he couldn’t think of his head hitting the pillow without flashes of violence running through his mind. “Every time I think about going to bed-.”

“What about my bed?” She offered.

“I don’t know.” He intoned without much emotion about it either way.

“Well- the flashbacks you’ve had have been in your quarters. Why don’t we try a change of scene?”

Tom bit back a mirthless laugh. He could really feel it now. Exhaustion was hollowing him out. “If I don’t say yes am I going to be coerced?”

“No. I was just going to knock you out and carry you there.” Her smile broadened.

He couldn’t help but smile back. “Alright.” He conceded.

****

“I- still feel like I should be saying I’m sorry.”

It was the first time he’d spoken since entering her quarters. He wrestled with his shoes to remove them. His movements had become lethargic and clumsy. 

Tom looked up to find B’Elanna stood in front of him, her uniform removed to underwear and tank top. “You don’t have to.” She shook her head before running a cautious hand through his hair. She repeated the action, now able to gift the comfort he’d refused days earlier. “Promise me-.”

She cut herself off and sat on the bed beside him. “If it’s bad and you think-.” She couldn’t quite bring herself to say it. “If you think you’re really in trouble, and you might do something- just-.”

“I’m not gonna do anything B’Elanna.” He reassured her. His thoughts had taken him to dark places but he’d never entertain doing anything drastic. She was trying to measure how deep he was in- telling herself she’d haul him out of that darkness if she had to. He reached for her hand again. “I’d never do that to you.”

She reached forward and pulled his tunic open. Even in their impossibly weary state, he wanted the closeness. He hadn’t realised how desperately he wanted the intimacy until she was touching him, her hand caressing his skin. Tom fought past the urge to say no, that he was too tired- because he was ready to surrender to her, to let her comfort him and express her love. Her lips met his, and he felt himself releasing from the terror and the guilt. 

Her movements were slow and deliberate, marred by tiredness. There were no teeth in his neck or scratches down his back but gentle, stripping back of layers as B’Elanna kissed him. Soon there no more layers, nothing to hide behind or cover over. Tom was pushed back onto the bed as she brought herself down on top of him. 

And she blots out the darkness. She overrides the horror and memory and becomes all consuming. Her body becomes a sanctuary, her flesh a gateway to a place where they cannot be harmed, however temporary their stay. Those awful things don’t reach him- not Caldek Prime, or the Akritarian Prison, or Alice or the memorial. She is the only thing of consequence in the whole damn universe. What was once disbelief that this could work has become dependence on the fact that this does. That if there is one thing in the universe he can depend on, it’s her. 

***

While dozing she opens her eyes a moment to check. He’s sleeping, his breathing calm, his face restful. B’Elanna closed her eyes again. Mission accomplished.


	7. Decaf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after Lineage, before Prophesy.

“Computer, lights. 30% illumination.”

B’Elanna didn’t stir as the lights came up. She was still sleeping, exhausted. Again.

Tom stood a moment, looking. Paused in appreciation of his unconscious wife. She had sprawled over the half empty bed, covers lifted and exposing her naked back. Shifting blankets offering glimpses of perfection within.

She was as he had left her. At about 5.30 this morning he was woken up by her almost tripping over in the dark, hissed curses in Klingonee escaping before she could stop them departing her lips, then she slipped into bed next to him. He mumbled that he preferred she turn the lights on than collide with furniture. An hour later he had to get up. His lips touched her cheek as he got out of bed- cursing the opposite shifts. He’d asked her to stop working the night shift, but she wasn’t quite ready to relinquish that yet. Tom wondered how long she could keep it up- but it wasn’t for him to make that choice.

He just had to get her up and bring her coffee afterwards. Two weeks ago breakfast was unthinkable due to nausea. Last week she ate three kiwi fruit and an orange. Today would be anyone’s guess.

He saw her shoulder blades move as she breathed, her body warm and tempting. Tom had the urge to touch her, to touch his lips to her uncovered shoulders but he thought he might get an elbow in the throat if he surprised her.

While Tom was certain almost all people would think of their sleeping spouse fondly, he was sure that she was beautiful.

What was unique to her was the expression she wore when sleeping. It was strange, even when she was asleep she looked to be concentrating, as if still using her brain to weave new concepts and theories. That was just how she was. Brilliant in every aspect. He couldn’t believe that deep thought would ever be absent from her mind.

But whatever brilliance she was dreaming- it was going to be a shame to wake her.

Gingerly, Tom sat on the bed and touched her arm. “B’Elanna.”

She moaned slightly. Half way to awake but not willing to open her eyes just yet.

“Hey- come on. It’s gone twelve hundred.” Tom added, watching as she stretched out further in bed before slitting her eyes open.

“Hi.” She breathed, dozily.

“Hey. “ He grinned back at his wife as she rolled to face him.

“I feel like I only just closed my eyes.” She yawned.

“Come on.” Tom patted her on the shoulder, “Staff meeting in forty-five minutes.” He stood and crossed to the dresser where he pulled out fresh clothes for her.

She watched him, grabbing items with efficiency which he placed on the end of the bed. He stood and gave her a look that said she really needed to get up. “OK. I admit it. Nightshifts are killing me.” B’Elanna added sleepily as she forced herself to sit up.

“So, you’re going to do fewer of them?” Tom asked as he went to the dining table and fetched two steaming cups.

“I guess.” She responded without committal before her cup reached her. “Coffee?”

“Decaf.” Tom enunciated. He, in a mark of solidarity was also forgoing caffeine. 

She pulled a face before taking a sip, which allowed Tom to carry the conversation further. “Are you feeling OK- other than being tired?”

“Tom-“ B’Elanna gave in a warning tone, that she was too tired to be nagged right now.

He was entitled to nag. Given what had happened. What had almost happened. She put that out of her mind. She wasn’t going to let those fears get a foothold on her mind again. 

”Hey.” He responded with a soft smile, sitting back on the bed. “I demand to be able to fuss over you once a day- minimum.” Her cup was passed back to him, he placed it on the cabinet next to the bed.

“I just feel- heavy.” She responded as she stretched her arms, the blanket slipped down, revealing more of her. 

“Yeah.” Tom nodded, his keen blue eyes naturally drawn to her chest, which had expanded markedly in the last few weeks.

“Oh, you’ve noticed.” B’Elanna mocked a little, glancing downward herself. Surely they weren’t going to get much bigger.

“I- know better than to point those out.” He grinned lovingly. 

“Well, I guess I should point this out.”

She pulled the sheet further and demonstrated that without clothing, she was now visibly pregnant. With clothes it would still be a few weeks before it was obvious to the universe. She ran her hand over the slight curve of her abdomen, not overly satisfied with this change but- accepting it. 

She watched as Tom tried not to grin too much, and as much as he was able to swallow a good portion of his smile, she could see the adoration in his eyes. “Ah, well.”

“When did that get noticeable? I’m going to need to replicate a new uniform.”

“You know- you look absolutely beautiful.” Was all he could offer as a reply. He looked smitten. She didn’t see the appeal herself. 

“Let me guess, I have to hear that once a day as well?” B’Elanna teased as she emerged from the bed, reaching for the clothing laid out for her.

“I was hoping more for – maybe four times a day.” Tom tried his luck.

At first she thought it was a twinge as she reached, but a second thud against her abdomen from the inside confirmed it.

She pulled back and sat a moment, Tom looking at her with concern as she did so.

“Here- give me your hand.” She turned to Tom before placing his hand on her belly, just in time for their daughter to land a kick on his palm.

“Oh. There she is.” He glowed with pride, before pressing his lips to hers. He broke off quickly though. “Come on. Or all three of us will be late.”


End file.
